A Girl on the Move

A Girl on the Move

It’s a good life. Someone has to live it. Might as well be me.

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Loving Phnom Penh, even with fine layer of dirt acquired riding tuk tuk to killing fields. Just waiting for late cambodian curry lunch.

I arrived home mid-morning yesterday. Can’t really say that I am happy to be back. The trip was way too much fun, and as crazy as it was, it was way too relaxing. I enjoyed not caring if I was clean, not worrying (too much) about safety as we did crazy things, only caring where the next curry might come from.

The adventure started very, very early on Monday morning. Debra arrived about 1 am and our flight to Phnom Penh was scheduled for 6:45 am. So we had about 3 hours between airport trips. There was not much sleeping. First stop in the airport was the coffee shop, which conveniently had free foot massage machines. We took advantage and as we caffeinated and we massaged. The flight was pretty empty, so we were able to get our own rows for stretching out. We were pretty giddy at the start, but each managed to snooze a tiny bit on the flight.

Thanks to the one hour time difference, we arrived in Phnom Penh, just after 7 am. We got to our guest house, navigated the crazy stair case (each stair was different height and width, luckily we managed not to kill ourselves on them) and settled in for a bit. After arranging our bus to Siem Reap for the next day, we negotiated a tuk tuk ride out to the Killing Fields at Choeung Ek.

The tuk tuk ride was a total adventure. Choeung Ek is outside of the city, so we had a long ride and almost hurt ourselves laughing. While cars mostly stay in their lanes, tuk tuks do not always follow the normal rules of the road. When making a right-turn, the tuk tuk would move into the on-coming traffic as it merged it’s way over to the right side of the road. At one T intersection, it was every vehicle for themselves; total madness. We eventually weaved our way through, only tapping into one moto, and headed down a wet, dirt road. It was a pretty steep drop and the tuk tuk slid a lot, once sliding into the moto in front of us (no one even bruised, but lots of laughter).

The Killing Fields are very depressing. Everyone walks around with a sombre expression, barely speaking. Near the entrance is a glass stupa filled with skulls recovered around Choeung Ek. You are encouraged to walk through the inside, and most visitors do, looking slightly ill and totally mortified. The silence in the stupa comes naturally as no one knows what to say, think or feel. After the stupa, you can wander through the grounds and see the holes left from the mass graves. There are signs indicating where the buildings once stood. As you walk along the back fence, there are cute children that will pose for photos for $1 and give you a well rehearsed speech of sorrow as they beg for more dollars. By the third child you know most of the lines of the speech yourself. Some kids are better at selling it than others, we took pity on two of the first boys we saw. All in all, it was a very depressing stop.

On our way back to the guest house, we heard what sounded like screaming kids coming up behind our tuk tuk. Turned out is was a truck full of pigs being taken to market. They were standing on each other up to about 3 deep (Do you still hear the screaming, the screaming of the lambs pigs?).

We negotiated with our driver to drive us all day for $10. Because our next stop was closed during lunch time, we stopped at our room and power napped for an hour before heading out to lunch and Toul Sleng Genocide Museum. Lunch was at the ever so cute, outdoor cafe Boddhi Tree, and the first of many, many curries.

The Khmer Rouge was very good at documenting the torture inflicted on their victims at S-21, a former school. In the first set of rooms you see where victims were tortured. Today you see the beds, the leg irons and maybe some of the items used to torture the victims. Each room contains a photo of a victim being tortured. I don’t even want to think about the stains that remained on the floors and walls. From the torture rooms, you moved to rooms and rooms of photos of the victims. As each prisoner arrived at Toul Sleng, they were photographed and documented. The documents were lost, but the photos remained behind and are now displayed as a reminder. There were a few boards of photos of very young children. I realised that those children were my age, or would have been had they not been systematically murdered. From the photos, you moved into the prison cells. There was a lot of history to read, but most of the museum was visual evidence of what occurred at the prison.

We had a bit of time left before everything closed and needed to lighten the day up, so we headed over to the Royal Palace and silver pagoda. We had about 30-45 min to run around the grounds and take in all the beauty.

At dinner time, we left to guest house to see that our tuk tuk driver was still hanging around outside, so for a few more dollars we had him take us to the river, to eat next to Tonle Sap. When we arrived, we were the only non-locals in the place. As the evening wore on, we laughed as we watched group after group of tourists walking in holding the same Lonely Planet book, their finger conveniently marking the page.

On the way home from dinner, with a different driver, our tuk tuk stalled. In the middle of the intersection. We jumped out and helped push it across the road. Luckily our driver got it started again and took us the few remaining blocks home.

It was a great day in Phnom Penh.


Travelling

It is 2 am, met Debra at the airport an hour ago. We came back to my apartment so she could shower and we could relax for a few hours before going back to the airport. We fly to Phnom Penh, Cambodia at 6:45 am. It will be a crazy, crazy two weeks.

Monday - Phnom Penh - Going to Killing Fields museum and Toul Sleng (a former Khmer Rouge prison).
Tuesday - Bus between Phnom Penh and Siem Reap, then wander around Siem Reap for half the day.
Wednesday - Siem Reap and Angkor Wat
Thursday - Fly to Koh Samui, Thailand for half a day on the beach
Friday - Fly to Chiang Mai, Thailand after most of the day at Koh Samui beaches
Saturday - White Water rafting or going to see Hill Tribes or???
Sunday - Going to elephant rescue near Chiang Mai. Spend the day learning to care for elephants.
Monday - Whatever we didn’t do Saturday
Tuesday - Fly to Bangkok at ass crack of dawn, go to Grand Palace and whatever else
Wednesday - Go to floating markets and river Kwai to see where WWII prisoners were forced to build railroad and bridges.
Thursday - Back to Singapore for Debra to see more of Singapore than the road to and from the airport
Friday - Debra goes back to US, I sleep.

Beer

Beer has been a part of my life from a very early age. I accidentally got drunk on it at age two (seemed I took sips, gulps, shots of beer from ALL the adults at the party, without getting caught). After that, we almost got thrown out of the Olympia Brewery when I was about 4, seems it wasn’t ok for my parents to give me a sip in the tasting room. By age 14, I had moved on to more than sipping it and instead getting caught on high school trips. By Uni, I was doing an advertising internship for one of Miller’s ad agencies (work was unpaid, but beer was free).

Luckily as I grew older, and discovered The Gingerman in Dallas, I quickly learned that American beer really is that bad. Well, at least mass produced American beer. And for that I absolutely love love this blog post that I found tonight, The Bud’s for Vous.

Perhaps we should have taken notice when Bud Light started advertising itself as “drinkable.” In retrospect, this was clearly a cry for help.

His dream for his two sons, is the American Dream.

Progression

Last Monday I was really, really tired. The kind of tired you get from staying up until well after 4 freakin’ 15 in the morning watching the awesomest tennis match and then getting up to go to work at 8 am. That night I was afraid I’d be too tired to sleep, so I popped a Melatonin and had the most blissful night of sleep I’d had in ages. So Tuesday night I decided I wanted more blissful sleep, pop, Melatonin. Didn’t work as well, but hell, third nights a charm, right? So Wednesday night, pop, Melatonin. And so on.

But then I started to worry that I was getting totally hooked on the natural sleep aid. Not physically hooked, just mentally. Friday night I didn’t have to worry about it, I had a beer induced blissful sleep (apart from that major pee in the middle of the night).

Saturday night, what to do? Shot of vodka you say? Yes, that does sound good. Before finishing it, I had that warm, fuzzy, sleepy feeling and was out. So here on Monday night I sit with my third night of vodka.

Next week, narcotics?

Like Mom

There is no doubt that my dad and I are a lot alike. But there are many ways in which I am like my mom. To prove that fact, we spent part of the Women’s Wimbledon Finals sending each other text messages. And now we’re doing the same during the Men’s Finals. I mean afterall, she’s getting the US broadcast and I’m getting the SE Asia broadcast, there could be different perspectives.

All natural

Because of some major yoga conference thingy in Hong Kong, the class schedule at my yoga studio was changed for the weekend. As a result I signed up for the 10:30 am class and not the 4 pm class; something I haven’t taken in many many months. It was actually quite nice. I was done at noon, decided to skip the shower at the studio, had no wait at the taxi queue and went straight to the shopping centre closest to my apartment. I first went to Cold Storage to grab some drinks and fruit, and then to Subway to grab a sandwich.

As I walked out of the centre it was pouring down rain. Those huge, torrential, tropical rains. I of course had no umbrella with me. I could have sat in the food court and had my sandwich, or even gone back into Subway. I knew the rain probably wouldn’t last that long, but I was tired, hungry, and truth be told still wet from sweating it out in hot yoga. So I shoved my leather purse into my grocery bags and started the walk home. I can’t remember the last time that I walked in the rain with no umbrella. It was awesome. I didn’t mind the car splashes or the puddles and I made no effort to get home quickly. I just enjoyed the really, really long, all natural shower.

Disappointment

You need at least 120 points to qualify for a permanent resident visa. It looks like you only have 100 points, maybe 110.

That’s what I was afraid you would tell me.

You could try to get a state to sponsor you. That would give you temporary visa and after 2 years you can apply for a PR. Or you would certainly have enough points to apply for a PR in Canada.

I just looked at him in disbelief. Canada? Seriously?

You have my card. Let me know what you want to do.

Sure.

Lightening

For the last hour or so there has been a lot of lightening outside. It reminds me of being 4 or 5 years old, living in New Mexico and we’d get heat lightening in the summer. Lots of lightening, no thunder, no rain, nothing else.

What I really want is a violent thunderstorm. One where the windows rattle from the thunder. Where the wind is so strong tree branches are breaking. Where the rain is so heavy that one step outside and you’re soaked to the bone. Where the lightening is so constant that the sky looks like astrobe light. Where you can’t hear the tv or stereo because the thunder and rain are so loud. Where it feels like armageddon. That is what I really want right now. But as usual these days, what I want seems entirely unlikely to happen and completely irrelevant.

The best medicine

I arrived back from Sydney very late Sunday night. Well, technically it was Monday morning. The first day back at work was a blend of exhaustion, resentment and overall hatred for not being in the place that I really wanted to be. I spent the day in a fog, almost as if I was out of my own body and just watching myself go through the motions of my daily activities. With sleep, Tuesday was slightly better. I still had resentment and a basic hatred for not being where I wanted to be, but I was no longer zombie tired and was slightly more able to actually involve myself in my daily routine.

Today I am able to think much more clearly and I’ve started to do some more research on ways to make some big changes to my situation. I am absolutely terrified. But I remember that promise that I made to myself just over a year ago, if I am not personally happy living here in Singapore I need to take the risks that will make me personally happy, or in a position to be personally happy. I don’t know the entire answer as to what will make me happy, but I think I know parts.

What I did realise tonight is, that even though I am starting to come out of my soul killing funk, I have not laughed in three days. Maybe a short laugh or giggle, but not the deep, entire being laughs that make your whole mood better. I miss that. Hell, I need that.

Haven’t missed you

Hello insomnia my old friend. Haven’t missed you one bit and yet here you are again. 3:20 am, eyes barely can stay open, but brain clicking away. Brain re-thinking many, many, many conversations I’ve had in the last 8 or so months. Re-thinking things that can’t be changed, things I should just let go, but things I can’t just let go. I’ve read, read some more and read even more to try to escape my own thoughts. No luck. I sent a loooonnnngggg email to one person hoping that if I got some of the thoughts out, the head might turn off. That email was full of self-indulgent drivel, but was still sent thanks to lack of clear thinking at 3 am. So now I ponder the conversations and the email. Good stuff.

Now I wait for exhaustion to over take the thinking part of the brain. C’mon exhaustion.